Mother’s Day – Time to sleep in, breakfast in bed, a long bath, perfect children, homemade gifts… Who am I kidding? That may be the ultimate Mother’s Day gift challenge.
When Mother’s Day Goes Wrong
Here’s the reality: Two years ago, I spent Mother’s Day in bed crying. I literally couldn’t pull myself out of my room. And I am not that person. I had just experienced a miscarriage after years of longing for a baby. I felt hopeless, like my dream of having a baby again would never happen. My daughter had essentially forgotten the day and my step-sons just left for their own Mom’s house. That was awful. It was one of the lowest days of my life. And it was Mother’s Day. No one knew how to react. Hy husband kept coming to check on me, my daughter avoided me, and my own Mom was expecting us at her house. We didn’t go, I stayed in bed.
Me and My Grandma
Silver Linings
The small silver lining I felt that day was knowing that there were other women out there suffering with me. I was lucky enough to have a daughter, to have my health, and to have my family. I knew that but I still couldn’t pull myself out of this funk. My heart broke thinking of the sweet women who wanted nothing more than to have a baby only to suffer the pain of repeated miscarriages. The Mom’s who had lost babies. The Mom’s who had lost teenagers or even grown children. The women who were never lucky enough to be called “Mom”. The women who had lost their own Mom’s too early.
Our arms all longed together to hold those sweet souls. How do they survive Mother’s Day year after year? My own Grandma had a son, Patrick, born with cerebral palsy. That was back in the day when babies with these medical conditions were sent to away and spent their lives in a hospital setting. Patrick reached the developmental age of 2 and died at the age of 18. The day my Grandma died, decades later, she told my Mom she couldn’t wait to see Patrick. That is the heart of a suffering Mother – we don’t forget.
Me in College with My Mom
We ARE a Tribe of Women
To the women without children, to the Mom’s who have lost their children (from miscarriage to adult), to the step-mom’s who feel the pressure of motherhood without the actual name “Mom”, and the Mom’s who wonder why their children don’t ever seem to recognize their sacrifice, you are NOT alone. We all feel this pain on some level and that makes us human. Having experienced a smidge of your pain, I will ALWAYS take a few minutes to remember you on Mother’s Day and I hope you all will do the same.
I’m not going to let you off easy, though. Easy is not my style. I AM going to challenge you to a small fix today. Something to make your day better and something you can keep and pull out from year to year to make future Mother’s Days better. No matter where your “Mom” status stands.
My Grandma and My Daughter, Ella. She waited all day for her to arrive.
A Mother’s Day Challenge
It is a way to honor the Mom’s before you and, if you have children, teach your daughters to do the same. So often, we hear about the men in our lives. I am a third generation physician, on the heels of male physicians. I am VERY proud of that and I am proud of the men they were and are. But the women in my life were just as important, if not more important, at getting me to this point in history. A point when my teenage daughter’s school reports finally include more about women than just “being the wife of…”
So, my Mother’s Day Gift Challenge for you is to prepare a tribute for YOUR family. It can be as long and in depth as you want. Give it to YOUR Mom, your daughters, your sons, your grandkids. It may help to interview a few family member’s for great stories to share. Or let them fill out their own forms and bind them together as a family.
And, on a personal note, I now have a beautiful, fabulous one-year-old daughter. Last Mother’s Day was MUCH better.
Simple Solution: Mother’s Day is not always easy. Take the time to celebrate the women before you with a Mother’s Day Gift Challenge. And share with your future the strengths of the past.
For more free Mother’s Day gift ideas, check out: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/free-mothers-day-gift-ideas_n_7213336
For more Blog Posts on Motherhood:
https://doctormome.com/maternal-mortality-crisis/
https://doctormome.com/my-baby-bump-changed-my-medical-practice-and-not-in-the-way-you-think/